‘The Perfect Neighbor’: Block Talk Explores Who You Want Next Door

ACROSS AMERICA — You don’t have to go to the trouble of baking a welcome-to-the-neighborhood pie for everyone who’s new on the block if your aim is to be a perfect neighbor.

Take booze instead.

That’s according to a handful of Patch readers who described their idea of a perfect neighbor in just three words for this installment of Block Talk.

“Drinks with me,” a Newtown, Pennsylvania, Patch reader wrote. “Gives free beer,” said a Milford, Connecticut, Patch reader. “Enjoys driveway drinking,” added a Rochester, Michigan, Patch reader.

But about that pie — it’s not a terrible idea, according to a Naugatuck, Connecticut, Patch reader. “Good baker, shares,” she wrote, describing her idea of neighborly perfection.

‘Just Be Pleasant’

Words such as “friendly,” “respectful” and “fun” came up many times. Not surprisingly, no readers said they wanted to live near a grouchy, unfriendly jerk.

“Happy, quiet and fun,” a Joliet, Illinois, Patch reader commented. “Respectful, friendly and quiet,” added a reader of Concord, New Hampshire, Patch. “Friendly, observant, relaxed,” a Plainfield, Illinois, Patch reader wrote, while another Plainfield Patch reader said an ideal neighbor is “social, humble and helpful.”

“Just be pleasant,” a Patchogue, New York, Patch reader offered. “Heart of gold,” said an Oak Lawn, Illinois, Patch reader. “Children, bbqs, loyalty,” a Brick, New Jersey, Patch reader said.

And speaking of backyard barbecues and grill fests, a Newtown Patch reader wants a neighbor she can “always smell grilling.”

A Waukesha, Wisconsin, Patch reader’s idea of an ideal neighbor is one who has “got your back,” while a Deer Park, New York, Patch reader would like to live next to someone who is “fun, reliable, spontaneous,”

And speaking of fun, a neighbor with a “built-in swimming pool” fills the bill for another Patchogue Patch reader.

Neighbors With Skills

Like the person jonesing for a neighbor with an in-ground swimming pool, other readers were very specific about their idea of a perfect neighbor. Now, some of their responses were undoubtedly tongue-in-cheek, but still. Who doesn’t want a neighbor with skills?

“Plumber, electrician, mechanic,” an Oak Lawn Patch reader wrote. “A car guy!” a Middleton, New Jersey, Patch reader wrote.

“Intelligent and worldly,” a Temecula, California, Patch reader wrote.

Others’ criteria for perfect neighbor was defined by how helpful their neighbors are. “Plows my driveway,” a Coventry, Rhode Island, Patch reader wrote. “Helps without asking,” a Newtown Patch reader added.

And still others’ criteria for a good neighbor were based on what they don’t have.

“No screaming kids!” a Naugatuck Patch reader exclaimed.

Themes we’ve examined before — neighbors with uncut grass and barking dogs — also came up. “Mows their grass,” a Canton-Sixes, Georgia, Patch reader wrote. An Oak Lawn Patch reader wants a neighbor whose property has “good curb appeal.”

A Concord Patch reader wants to live next to someone who has “no barking dogs.” A Joliet Patch reader is OK with dogs, but specifically wants a neighbor who “has cute dogs.”

Perfect Neighbor Is No Neighbor

Neighbors who are never seen are some readers’ idea of perfection.

“Keep to themselves,” a Joliet Patch reader wrote. “Never, ever home,” a Brick Patch reader wrote. “An empty lot,” a Milford Patch reader commented. Another Brick Patch reader prizes neighbors who make a practice of “not being nosey.”

There are degrees, though. A Salem, Massachusetts, Patch reader prefers neighbors who are “not overly friendly.” A Waukesha Patch reader agrees neighbors “must have boundaries.”

“Quiet, good fences,” a Plainfield Patch reader wrote. A Concord Patch reader seemed to channel the spirit of Henry David Thoreau: “Trees, streams, wildlife.”

And a Salem Patch reader may, in fact, be the neighbor many readers would love to have next door. What is his idea of a perfect neighbor in three words?

Why, he wrote, “all of ours.”

About Block Talk

Block Talk is an every-other-week feature on Patch offering real-world advice from readers on how to resolve everyday neighborhood problems. If you have a neighborhood etiquette question or problem you'd like for us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com, with Block Talk as the subject line.

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